Practically Alice

I don't know whether it was the abnormally large amount of coffee I drank, or my medicine, or my pain or even my sheer weariness but last night I started to doubt things. Suddenly nothing felt real anymore; nothing felt like it was actually the way things are, or should be. Cars, buildings, trees felt like nothing compared to the stars above me and the air around me. I don't know why. I feel like it's probably because I've cooped myself up and worked every single day and had too much coffee and my meds are playing up but it was such an overwhelming feeling that it was really difficult to ignore. To feel as if everything around is false... or not false, just something wasn't right is a really weird feeling. I can't really put my finger on what it was, it was just weird. I probably should sleep more... and read more... and stress less.

I almost wish I could sit here in my Sixth Form Study Center and write something entirely and completely profound, but alas due to my failure with regard to writing I cannot. What I will say though is that I cannot believe that in a month I will be leaving. Sixth Form has exceeded my expectations in terms of relationships, friendships, lessons and teachers. The exams I could've done without but it is so inspiring to be in an environment whereby you can actually talk about the subjects you enjoy in depth. We, as adults - or thereabouts - are able to have chats with our teachers that are more mature and more interesting; I've just had an hour and a half of philosophy revision where we've had the most interesting and envigorating discussions. It's so liberating to be able to argue and talk and contemplate things that you wouldn't normally talk about. The social aspects of Sixth Form have been great too - we've been able to go into town and go to the library t...

I wish I could take a snapshot of every single place I've been and loved. Not a physical picture that I can look back on but a means by which I can recall it - recall the memory and the feelings and the very essence of being there. Sometimes you look up at the stars and you get a sort of feeling overcoming you; it builds and builds and builds until, sometimes, you cannot breathe. I don't know what that feeling is but I want to recall it and bathe in it. There are times where you're in good company and having a particular moment that you want to cling onto but simply cannot. I want to taste it and feeling and be knocked out by the sheer breathlessness of it - I want to be able to close my eyes and be there again. I hate that I cannot.