Practically Alice

At first when I left school I didn't really have any clue how I felt about it; I was sad, yes, but I didn't know if I wanted to leave or not - so many emotions ensued. Having just finished my exams and pretty much will not be going back into school until August I have finally figured out how I feel about leaving: I don't want to leave but I feel ready. I feel ready because I realise that I've out-grown the school (not the teachers though, gosh darn it I love my teachers!) and some of the people (I emphasise 'some' here). It's a place where I've had sad times and happy times, met amazing people and learnt so  much. I've grown up there. As much as this makes me sad, I really recognise that I'm ready to move on... ready to grow up. It's kind of like leaving Neverland in a funny way. And who knows, maybe I'll be back teaching there someday?

Having just read this article  about the new GCSEs that we will be blessed with come September 2015 I am highly intrigued to how they will pan out. Yes perhaps it is good for fourteen-sixteen year olds to read a Shakespeare play and a 19th Century novel - in fact I think that's a really good aspect of the new GCSEs - but the focus on examinations is something that I do not agree with. As someone who attends a competitive comprehensive I felt enough pressure as it was to do exams and I still do as I am finishing my A Levels. The coursework aspects of the courses I took - particularly as someone who found essay writing particularly difficult back then - were a welcome relief and a chance to develop and engage in essay writing. I understand that students will do 'mock essays' but this only increases pressure on students to actually do them - since they won't have 'official' deadlines - and more pressure on teachers to be constantly working on and improving the st...

I haven't even attempted to write this blog post until now because I haven't really fully contemplated the goings on of this past week. To say they have been crazy, mad, bonkers... dumbfounding even would be a slight understatement. After spending the last three days recuperating and avidly watching season 2 of Gilmore Girls I have finally realised that I, Claire Margerison, have just left school. I have four exams and a results and that's it. Kaput. Done. Bam. Gone. Poof. Weird. My last day and leavers' ball (prom, whatever you may call it) were sublime - and I genuinely mean that. Other than the nearly fainting and having to leave and getting laughed at in the leavers' assembly, it was utterly perfect. I spent a majority of my prom catching up with teachers and just talking to them about the future, about the past, about my ex-boyfriend in particular (hah, sorry Michael - suffice to say I think you enjoyed the conversations too!). It was amusing and fun and ...

I have decided (for a number of reasons, one being this AWESOME video HERE ) to be more bold. To accept challenges. To push myself. To embrace awesome because, like Abby says in the video, it's good to carpe-diem-the-crap out of the world. I know myself more now, I know my limits (kind of) and I know how good it feels to push the boat out a little bit. Yeah, it's good to go with the flow but it's also nice to ride against the tide sometimes (holy crap on a cracker that's a LOT of idioms.) A couple of posts ago I mentioned the whole Vogue thing, which was fun. So much fun. I really enjoyed the deadline and the balancing everything and the new writing style (interviewing heck yeeeeah) and just everything. It made me realise how much I love to work under pressure when I'm enjoying doing something. I think that was the drip that triggered the storm. After coming out of a relationship a year ago I was more bold that before; I was so much more confident. I could talk ...

After my German oral happened and after a little chat with certain people today I decided to catch up on Doctor Who. I have missed three episodes of this series because of reasons and it was really nice to just sit down and watch them without all the hype and pre-during-post-episode madness that tends to happen. I've loved what I saw of Clara Oswald before I watched these episodes but I just love her even more now. She's a really great character and I really don't see the similarities that other people are seeing. (I read a great  post by my friend Jess on this matter here . ) The way I see it Doctor Who is about people, about adventure and about Doctor Who-ness (yep, there is an essence of Doctor Who). For a while this just wasn't there for me, at all; now, though, I get a sense of that spark again - especially in the most recent episode. Don't even get me started on the Clara/Doctor relationship because I love it so much. So, so, SO, SO much. There's som...

I don't know whether it was the abnormally large amount of coffee I drank, or my medicine, or my pain or even my sheer weariness but last night I started to doubt things. Suddenly nothing felt real anymore; nothing felt like it was actually the way things are, or should be. Cars, buildings, trees felt like nothing compared to the stars above me and the air around me. I don't know why. I feel like it's probably because I've cooped myself up and worked every single day and had too much coffee and my meds are playing up but it was such an overwhelming feeling that it was really difficult to ignore. To feel as if everything around is false... or not false, just something wasn't right is a really weird feeling. I can't really put my finger on what it was, it was just weird. I probably should sleep more... and read more... and stress less.

I almost wish I could sit here in my Sixth Form Study Center and write something entirely and completely profound, but alas due to my failure with regard to writing I cannot. What I will say though is that I cannot believe that in a month I will be leaving. Sixth Form has exceeded my expectations in terms of relationships, friendships, lessons and teachers. The exams I could've done without but it is so inspiring to be in an environment whereby you can actually talk about the subjects you enjoy in depth. We, as adults - or thereabouts - are able to have chats with our teachers that are more mature and more interesting; I've just had an hour and a half of philosophy revision where we've had the most interesting and envigorating discussions. It's so liberating to be able to argue and talk and contemplate things that you wouldn't normally talk about. The social aspects of Sixth Form have been great too - we've been able to go into town and go to the library t...