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Showing posts from 2014

Happy Near you for the ninteenth time!

As I humbly wave goodbye to 2014 from the recesses of the sofa, full of flu and masses of food and the belly to show it, I can't help but think that I'm a little too pleased about the oncoming year. It's not been a bad one - to say so would be to be rather woe-is-me but it certainly hasn't been the best.

I have had good news and bad news. I've made new friends, met with old ones and had jolly good fun. I've been diagnosed with coeliac disease and proven that I am stronger than I seem, braver than I believe and smarter than I think (Oh Pooh, you silly old bear...)

Ultimately though, this year has given me food for thought in that it isn't about me. It isn't about you or that random guy sitting next to you. Of course we are all stars shining brightly, we each feed off the glow of one another, breath life into the world and make mistakes. But really we're just tiny parts of a massive jigsaw and I truly do believe that working together is the way we can…

The Girl in the Library

I'm on hour eight of being in the library. I've successfully drank two large coffees, and demolished *cough* some sweets and I think the chair is part of my body now. The particular reason for why I'm here left me at about hour three and the ability to walk or talk said bye-bye at hour four.

Time moves quickly here. People come, go, dash, sit, fester. Twelve o'clock to eight o'clock slipped by me and my accumulative work doesn't feel worthy of those hours, nor does the money spent on food.

Hours one to five I spent alone; alone but in the company of others. How can one be surrounded by people but feel so lonely? (An example of the Philosophical Crisis at hour six.) Plus, I can't quite decide whether the caffeine, the weirdly yellow lighting to the fact I'm studying Ulysses (or a combination of all of the above) are the cause of my brain to have shut down somewhere around hour three.

Over the last week I have spent approximately forty (ish, maths even…

A Working Lass

The last time I had a retail job I was sixteen years old. I had just started my AS Levels, I'd just got into my first ever relationship and had pretty much just started socialising. My first shift was on 3 December 2011 and I went to one of my nearest and dearest's Christmas parties, where I met my ex's mum (she's lovely!) and had a good old chuckle with her. I remember how achey and tired I was but how thrilling it was; I felt grown up. 
I left that job in April 2012 due to health problems and today, nearly three years down the line, I'm about to start at Waterstones. I'm really excited to see what it'll be like and to see what the customers are like too! It's rather poignant because I'm beginning to think about third year and beyond, my sister has just turned 18 so she's an adult too now, this Christmas holidays I may only be home for Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing Day. Do I feel grown up, though? Not so much. I still feel like I'm feeling …

I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way!

When I was 12/13 years old I fell in love with a musician. Her music is everywhere and her followers are large, she's an icon. This woman's name is Lady Gaga. My relationship with her and her music wavered in 2011 because I was going through a time in my life that I subconsciously thought I had to change myself for other people. So from 2008-2011 Gaga sustained me. I was a scared, sad, lost girl with a wonderful family and a handful of friends and her music. I remember sitting in Design Tech on my own and everyone else was singing Boys, Boys, Boys and I just mouthed the words along.

Stumbling across Gaga on a music channel was one of the best things I could have done. I joined twitter because of her, to join in with a trending hashtag ('#gagahasmyheart'). As a girl with no confidence I found something to feel confident about through her music; she didn't fit in, I didn't fit in. She was confident and hot and hella fierce and through her I learned to be that, on…

A New Journey

I've been thinking a lot recently about jumping; the leap of faith, the leap into the unknown, 'not all those who wander are lost', all that stuff. Tomorrow I begin second year and quite frankly I'm quite scared about it. The workload is daunting, the fact that it counts for so much is daunting, and the whole 'need to sort work experience out right now this exact second' thing is daunting. That's not to say I'm not excited, because I really am. I can't wait to get back into the routine of lectures and learning and seeing the people on my course again (they're SUPER lovely people).

This year is a big'un because all my grades go towards my degree, I'm hopefully getting a job and it just feels like an important year. The people I mingle with, the people I'm living with, the people I meet and have met are all so impressionable and I feel like I'm shaping myself into who I want to be, finally. (Not to be all deep or anything.)

A while…

Something old, something new

I've now moved into my second year house. House. What makes it even more bizarre for such an occurrence to, well, occur is that this house has nearly the same address as the house I was born into. Not only this but it resembles it to some extent with the high ceilings and three floors. I have, wonderfully, bargained the attic room. I get the morning sun (which, as Jack pointed out, is great because I hopefully won't miss morning stuff as the sun will wake me up) and a lovely little view of some aspens and the church. I feel rather settled here but it's still new; these people are my friends whom I saw a lot of last year but now they get to see me in all my morning and nightly glory. (I apologise, you poor people)

We have so far embarked on a marvellous adventure, watching all of the Marvel films ever (that's a lie) and we're going to see Guardians tomorrow (that's a truth). I feel like the fact I'm living with film and media students means I will be clued u…

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

July and August have allowed for muchos reflection due to a) lots of time on my own and b) lots and nothing has simultaneously happened.

Two particular and very recent events have made me realise how, well, adult I am. One occasion being totally and completely happy (yay, happiness!) and has just generally given me a grand old boost. Without going into it too much this even has given me a lot to smile about (I think I scare people I walk past in the street with my smiling antics... but that's nothing new) and I hope it will continue to have an impact on my life in some way or another.

The other event is somewhat sad; it has made me realise that I'm the certain person who now knows adult people as friends and sometimes crappy, awful, sad things happen to them. (I'm so coherent and not vague, aren't I?) This person had a role in my primary school years and he was just a joy, a complete joy. I guess sometimes you have a shock like that to ground you a little bit and appre…

Harry Potter

As well as the release of the new Potter short story on Pottermore, Thursday 26 June 2014 marked the 17th anniversary of the publication of JK Rowling's Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. These books have imprinted on a generation of people and I myself, though not entirely or soulfully, include myself in that. Though I didn't read the series until about 2009/2010, Harry Potter has indeed had a profound impact on my life and will continue to do so for years to come; it's only on reflection that I realise the extent of which it has influenced my childhood.

I certainly remember my friends talking about the books, even at year 1/2 their parents had read them to them so they knew what was going on. I also distinctly remember wanting to read them; I bought the first book at my school book fair back in 2003/4 (I think) and the first Harry Potter book I picked up was at my Grandmother's house in - it was Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and, though it was t…

Big Numbers

My blog has hit over 4,000 views. In the two years that I've been writing here I never actually reckoned anyone would read it. I don't actually know what people think when they read these really odd words from my head but *waves*. It's nice to see you here. If you ever actually want to say hey then I have a twitter on which you can contact me: http://www.twitter.com/paperbookmarks

This summer seems to be all about the big numbers; I'm tackling the legend that is Ulysses by James Joyce. Well, I say I am tackling, I haven't actually started it yet but these are my feelings about it:
















[x]

I've heard it's rather a challenge but hey ho, I'm going to try.

Among the sea of Ulysses I will be dabbling in many a-book over summer; page after page tumbling into my head. I'm hoping to get back into the mode of devouring books - it's been a while. Since finishing university for the year I've been wiped and am currently in a bit of a reading slump.

However,…

A Mixture

Today has been an odd mixture of things. A gluten free, homemade cake my my wonderful flatmates; a selection of cookery books (see a food theme here? Says a lot about me), and the most beautiful bracelet from Phil, a bottle of bubbly for later, a bottle of wine for now (well, I say now - it's empty now).

I feel happy and elated and sad. I don't want this academic year to end because it suddenly means that when I see these people next I'll be second year and then I'll be doing my dissertation proposal and then I'll be a third year and then BAM. Done. Kaboom.

I hate endings. I race through books and then get sad when they're finished... but at least with them I can imagine the afterwards. For me, in real life, I have an afterwards (hopefully... ha) with which I will have to cope and deal with and live. I will only have some control over that.

This year I've (ish) come to terms with (kind of) (not much though) my back condition and how it's never going to …

"Antony and Cleopatra" @ The Globe

A year ago I sat my A level English Literature exam whereby I had to write an essay on a Shakespeare play. The play that was chosen by my teachers was Antony and Cleopatra, one of Shakespeare's more (I feel) under-appreciated tragedy's. When my friend Nicky and I decided we'd go to the Globe when I visited her, we saw Anton and Cleo was showing and I got very, very excited.

The thing about reading a play at A level, or GCSE, or at any level of education for that matter - even if you just simply read it for pleasure - is that to some extent you don't end up getting a visual sense of the characters. When one reads the lines of Cleopatra, one doesn't exactly picture how she delivers them, only how she could. One of the main reasons I was so excited to see this production was that Nicky and I had previously had the pleasure of seeing Eve Best as the Duchess of Malfi in John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi (Old Vic, 2012) and she had a certain way in which I could se…

The quiet hours

It's near enough 11pm (scratch that, it is 11pm - the bells are chiming) on a Friday night and I'm sitting in bed, scantly dressed (it's warm in here), book in hand and suddenly I'm smiling. I'm smiling because I have missed being able to sit in this room full of books and hear the turning of pages without the background noise of drunk people or music or the smell of cigarette smoke or weed drifting into my window; without knowing I will be woken up in the early hours so I can steal these and read late. It makes me smile because I love, more than anything, to fall into a book completely.

Admittedly Tigers in Red Weather is currently strewn, along with my cuddly toy of choice at home, behind this laptop but alas I had the itch to write. I want to capture this feeling and put it into words so I can again gain the sweet taste in my mouth right now.

I feel like I should be in a YA novel, or a TV show, or am a stupidly young, naive and geeky Carrie from Sex in the City.…

Fairfarren First Year

Here we are. Today at four o'clock I will sit and take my one and only exam of this year, and my final assessment of first year. I'm sitting here (strangely calm) on my bed in my flat, after having chatted to and relaxed with my flatmates and it is honestly surreal.

To say that eight months (ish) ago I walked up to this flat, sick to the stomach with nerves and began living with five complete strangers is just weird. These people I've grown to adore, get irritated at and laugh with and I will definitely miss living with them next year. Everyone has there ups and downs but I would say that, on the whole, our flat has an appreciation and care for each other that will hopefully last; we look out for each other, we respect each other and for a majority of the year we shared food and sat down to a meal with each other every single day. I can't thank them enough for the things I have learnt from them about people and, well, myself.

The people I've met have just been fabb…

Ten Shakespeare in a Year

At the beginning of this year Sanne decided that she was going to read ten Shakespeare plays this year. (See her video HERE) The idea of it being that she felt like she hadn't read enough Shakespeare and since I feel exactly the same, I decided to tag along.

My experience of Shakespeare has been one of adoration and love; when I was ill off primary school I used to watch the animated plays on CBBC, Macbeth, Twelfth Night and Romeo and Juliet seem to stick in my mind. Then we began to study the plays in secondary school. It must have been my twelfth or thirteenth year that myself and my best friend at the time Jasmine went to see and outdoor production of Much Ado About Nothing (in 2007) and I was hooked. We then saw Twelfth Night the following year and, unfortunately, the year after that I missed the production of The Tempest due to illness. (Have a look at the company's site HERE) The year after that we saw Hamlet performed indoors, which was completely fabulous as well. (The…

The people I have met through ink

I read somewhere once that one of the reasons books are so great is that one can pick them up a second time and feel how you did, or remember where you were the first time you picked it up and opened it. I stand by this idea as to one of the reasons I love reading so much.

I am perusing the wonderful words of Ali Smith's The Accidental for my level 1 module 'Introduction to Narrative' and whilst this module is all very technical (and trust me, I do love that!) I am really enjoying reading a novel where the characterisation leaves a bitter sweet taste in my mouth and when I close my eyes all I can see is Amber; how she looks, how she dresses, how she smells... I love that. I love that I can read 200 pages or so of one novel and suddenly there is this person inside of my head and I can't get her out.

Not so long ago I read R. J. Anderson's Nomad (the second in the Swift series) and I was brought back to why I adore fantasy so much. I felt like I wanted to fly, and do…

Unexpected Art

As I was walking in Lincoln today down this random footpath that I've always wanted to go down but never have I came across a myriad of things. The canal ran along side the path; said canal was littered with ducks, geese, debris and - unfortunately - litter. Every so often I came across a 'Fish here with licence' type sign which more often than not had been graffitied on with a penmanship or a heart whose ink dripped down quite morbidly.

Hugging the canal was a spread of jigsaw houses. You could almost see the development of house after house, developer after developer. Every now and then a person would pass me, sometimes child in hand, others bag. To my right was an industrial sprawl and here lay the most unexpected part of my journey.

After venturing past factory after factory, some more decrepit than others, I arrived at this old, rusting, green-rusty-orange-brown-old factory. It was quite pungent around the area and the wall facing me as I approached had a sprawling of…

University

That's what your first year of the first year of university is all about - finding a way to reconcile your life as a child with your future as an adult. It's not like you drop everything and everybody you love and replace them; but your relationships and priorities change. They have to. - Rainbow Rowell on moving to university.

I didn't really know what to expect from university, but it certainly wasn't this. I feel like a completely different person, in a good and bad way. I feel like I've found this part of myself that I didn't know existed and simply wouldn't have been able to be found at home, but I also feel like I'm not like I was at home and that takes a while to get used to.

I'm not entirely sure what I was nervous about with regard to coming to a new place and living without parents but I haven't been that surprised by any problems I've encountered. Not that there have been many problems. I spend my time with my flat, whom I get on …

On Family

I think everyone has qualms with their families. There's things we like and, naturally, don't like about the people we spend our time with. We have disagreements and upsets and we are very likely to all have different views on how things should be done but all in all we've kind of been put together because of genes so sometimes have to face the music.
After spending time away from family to study at university I've come to appreciate my family more. Not only this but I also see them as people with individual thoughts and ideals... kind of like the moment you realise that your teacher is, holy moly, a person with a life outside of school. (I know, crazy right?) Through these realisations full of gratitude, and yes slightly bitter reality I have been able to come to terms (well more so than before) with the fact that disagreements happen. People don't see eye to eye. Sometimes people will never understand how your mind works or how other people work. That's just …

New Year 2013-14

After spending three full month (near enough) at university the last five days that I've spent in London and Essex have truly felt like nothing - it doesn't even feel like I've really been away. It's odd because prior to going to university I wouldn't have been able to fully comfortably spend five days away from home in a house where I only know one of the residents.

On this trip I met some completely lovely and wonderful people. After knowing Tia (Tia's twitter) for around two years to finally meet her was really wonderful. Same with Stevie (Stevie's youtube), after knowing her for about a year or so to meet her was an utter pleasure and we all had really lovely chats in a closing coffee shop.

On top of this I met some of Phil's best friends and attended a really lovely party. What's more, yesterday we explored London and went to the British Library (among other places) and it was thoroughly enjoyable. I honestly don't think I've laughed so…