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Looking back (over my shoulder)

There are plenty of times in life when you sit, reflect, and think back to either a) 'the good old days' or b) 'the crappy times of crap'. There are moments when you contemplate decisions that you have made and the consequences that have ricocheted from them. To use a cliche, you think back to all those pebbles you've thrown in the water and the ripples that were caused by it - and you even might have hit a fish or two on the way down... it happens.

When I first decided to do a blog I was mainly thinking of it in terms of recording 'me' - recording my thoughts and feelings and, yes, venting a little in a very public domain. Sometimes I have these words and sentences in my head that just need to be written down. Whether or not they are of substance, whether or not they are eloquent, it's just nice to have them there and recorded. It is one reason why I have notebooks where I just write and write and write and write - and it doesn't matter what I say because people won't read them.

Due to the public nature of this blog, I have to write differently; I like the idea of exploring different mediums of expression. I write in notebooks, I write a blog, I film videos, I sing in my room on my own, I think, I talk, I (sometimes) dance, I cry, laugh, jump, run, sit... all of these different expression are an exploration of the world and me. Because of this blog I've had to be more calculated with my words, and not only that but think of ways of phrasing things that's appealing to anyone who decides to read it. It has caught me in this little web of desire to attempt to partake in journalism. It has taught me to write about things in a way I haven't written about them before. And yes, my blog is not of a journalistic style but I'm writing for someone other than myself as well. And I like that.

When I look back (the title of this post is a reference to a Mike and the Mechanics song that I loved as a kid... and still do) to when I first posted I was writing for me, I didn't think I'd be able to voice my thoughts and opinions about things in the way that I (sort of) have done. Tis odd. John Green says: "Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia" and it's true. We look back, we look forward, we look up/down/sideways/all over the place and it's all nostalgic. It all kind of seems fluffy or horrid. And that's why recording things is important; you or I can look back at this blog, your blog, other people's videos, and see how things have changed and have an idea of how things will be. And I think it's brilliant.

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