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Mirror, mirror on the wall...

July and August have allowed for muchos reflection due to a) lots of time on my own and b) lots and nothing has simultaneously happened.

Two particular and very recent events have made me realise how, well, adult I am. One occasion being totally and completely happy (yay, happiness!) and has just generally given me a grand old boost. Without going into it too much this even has given me a lot to smile about (I think I scare people I walk past in the street with my smiling antics... but that's nothing new) and I hope it will continue to have an impact on my life in some way or another.

The other event is somewhat sad; it has made me realise that I'm the certain person who now knows adult people as friends and sometimes crappy, awful, sad things happen to them. (I'm so coherent and not vague, aren't I?) This person had a role in my primary school years and he was just a joy, a complete joy. I guess sometimes you have a shock like that to ground you a little bit and appreciate things, especially things like the previous event I mentioned.

(I'm sure you're loving the vagueness here...)

I've also been single for just over two years now and that date passing made me have a look at things and remember what I was like then, and how I am now. I came up with a completely cliche and awful metaphor for breakups; a person is like a jigsaw and they're all together and stuff and suddenly this event scatters them. Which is crap and yuck and boooo hiiissss. They begin picking themselves up by forcing themselves to do things and just get the heck on with it (totally talking about nearly 17yo me here) and then you suddenly are a put-together jigsaw again. But ALAS! you're missing a piece - sometimes it's a bigger piece, sometimes a smaller one. But it generally goes that it's not an important structural one so you can plod along. Then sometimes you get a new jigsaw-friend come along and they're missing pieces too (who isn't?!) and LOOK you have similar pieces so you can bond over that and, hey, you still have those holes but (yay) they don't hurt anymore.

It really does make sense in my head, but probably not written down. (My brain is mush.)

Reflection is good. Stepping back and looking at you, like properly looking at yourself can be good. Sometimes it takes another person to realise that, yeah, you're actually okay. Sometimes it just takes time and yourself to get used to that hole and suddenly you're you again.


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