Skip to main content

Change

Change is a stupidly odd thing. We have to get used to things altering and things becoming different. No matter how much we want it or resist it, change always comes and with it comes the oddness.

We have to adjust in life; as we grow up with have to learn to drink and cook and be in relationships and be single and read and write and fend for ourselves.

I'm currently seventeen years old and I have no idea who I want to be. I have no idea how I'll feel tomorrow or what I want to do with my life and that is bloody scary. As much as I want things to change - as much as I want to leave school and leave the people I spend time with - I also don't. I don't want to meet new people and leave my current friends because I really, really enjoy their company.

I don't want to go from someone who (kind of) knows stuff to someone who (really) doesn't.

It's weird thinking about the future, even thinking about tomorrow or the next hour - you never know (to write a cliche) what's around the corner.

And then there's the whole 'should I, shouldn't I' scenario when we spend countless hours tossing and turning between doing something. We never want to regret things but we're also scared of doing the things that might prevent the regrets.

Change and the future are so confusing - they're so unknown and scary and ambiguous that it makes it so exciting but stomach-churningly terrifying too. I have no idea how I'm going to act or want to act in the next hour, day, month or year.

Who knows what the heck my brain will be doing then...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Teens don't read"

Earlier today Maureen Johnson pointed out that the view of "teens don't read" in the UK is deeply entrenched (which is a word that I now love  and had never heard before). As a teenager in the UK, the stigma around reading seems to be - to me - it's "uncool", it's "geeky", there "aren't any good books out there". I think the fact that a lot of teenagers in British schools are exposed to older literature or, perhaps, not that popular literature in lessons and forced into over-analysing and spending countless hours on 'what the author meant'. A point that was raised in this twitter discussion was that people didn't want to be seen reading, or didn't want to be seen reading certain books. It's made me realise that I never   ever ever  see people reading in the older years in my school ( ever ). Perhaps the odd year 7 (12 year old) or year 8 (13 year old) will read, but - from experience - they will probably be
4 comments
Read more

To A Baby

Dear Baby in a cafe, You are growing up in an incredible age. The age of the unknown. We are balancing on a thin line that could topple either way and the future, Baby, is unknown. For the moments that our eyes meet I see a world in your mind. The cogs whirring and your mind constantly processing everything. You see so much and understand so little; but that is changing. It is funny to think of all the new things you're currently learning about. Learning to eat, to drink, to speak, to listen and learn. The world which you observe, Baby, is wonderful. I cannot convey to you how incredibly grand it is because it simply is impossible to put it into words. It is wonderful - completely - but it is also full of terrible destruction. It's like a coin; there are two sides to it. I tend to pick the glass-half-full attitude, because I believe it will ultimately be okay. There are horrible things that happen in this world, Baby, and this world is heading down an unknown path. However
2 comments
Read more

On Family

I think everyone has qualms with their families. There's things we like and, naturally, don't like about the people we spend our time with. We have disagreements and upsets and we are very likely to all have different views on how things should be done but all in all we've kind of been put together because of genes so sometimes have to face the music. After spending time away from family to study at university I've come to appreciate my family more. Not only this but I also see them as people with individual thoughts and ideals... kind of like the moment you realise that your teacher is, holy moly, a person  with a life outside of school . (I know, crazy right?) Through these realisations full of gratitude, and yes slightly bitter reality I have been able to come to terms (well more so than before) with the fact that disagreements happen. People don't see eye to eye. Sometimes people will never understand how your mind works or how other people work. That's j
1 comment
Read more