Skip to main content

A Mixture

Today has been an odd mixture of things. A gluten free, homemade cake my my wonderful flatmates; a selection of cookery books (see a food theme here? Says a lot about me), and the most beautiful bracelet from Phil, a bottle of bubbly for later, a bottle of wine for now (well, I say now - it's empty now).

I feel happy and elated and sad. I don't want this academic year to end because it suddenly means that when I see these people next I'll be second year and then I'll be doing my dissertation proposal and then I'll be a third year and then BAM. Done. Kaboom.

I hate endings. I race through books and then get sad when they're finished... but at least with them I can imagine the afterwards. For me, in real life, I have an afterwards (hopefully... ha) with which I will have to cope and deal with and live. I will only have some control over that.

This year I've (ish) come to terms with (kind of) (not much though) my back condition and how it's never going to go away. I've also been diagnosed with coeliacs disease and anemia and just taken lots of pills. It's not been fun. But with the people I've met by my side, my family (lordy this sounds overly emotional right now) and just some weird inner crazy ambitiousness I've kept going. I don't mean that in a melodramatic way; I'm not begging for pity here. But it has, in all honesty been hard. It's been hard because to live with chronic pain, and to then feel tired and to then have to have an endoscopy - for there to be yet another thing is scary. I sometimes get scared my body is shutting down, just kind of has an earlier expiry date than other peoples.

BUT then my flat make me a gorgeous and super lovely cake and give me a bottle of bubbly. And then Philip gives me a bracelet with the infinity sign on and all I can think of when I look at it is to keep going. And then I spend yet another weird but fun evening with him. These moments make it all okay. Yes, there is pain in them but the laughs and giggles and smiles make it worth it.

It's a mixture. You have your ingredients, some of which require a lot of work and attention, to make this wonderful thing. It's not perfect but it's mine. My body, my life, my happiness. I don't know - it's a puzzle. But I'm having fun, and that's the main thing; that's what I have to remember.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Just Dietary Things | Eating Gluten and Dairy Free

Around a month ago, my boyfriend and I pootled into Pizza Hut and I said "ooh go on then" and had lovely, lovely cheese on my gluten free pizza.

Three years ago in May I was diagnosed coeliac, and since my diagnosis I have never had an "ooh go on then moment" because I know the dire consequences it can have on my body. Every day, I swallow calcium, vitamin D, B12 and ranitidine tablets in an effort to keep my bones and body healthy. Everywhere I go, I look at labels and folders of ingredient information. Being coeliac is something I'm used to now, but it's taken me a year to solidly give up lactose (and I'm still not 100% sure I'll last Christmas...).

The day after my Pizza Hut escapade, I was sick. Slowly over the last year of being lactose free on and off, my reaction to lactose has worsened. My stomach doesn't like food very much (even if my mouth and brain do!) and I often feel sick after eating, but lactose made that significantly worse. As…

Feeling stressed? Avobath

My next escapade into the Lush bath-bomb world was the wonderfully named Avobath. Admittedly, I did use this bath-bomb a while ago... weeks ago... and I haven't had time to write up anything until now. Why? Essays. Stressful essays. (Did I mention Master's are tough? No...?)

The avobath is lovely, because it smells fresh (I definitely don't do sugar-sweet smells) and that just intensifies as it hits the warm water. I'd had a particularly rough day when I decided I'd use this one, and it just made the bathroom smell heavenly. Costing only £3.50, too the avobath comes in 25p cheaper than my previous BBOC (bath-bomb of choice) Dragon's Egg.

A little less exciting than my last pick, but nevertheless still heavenly to the nose and skin, the avobath was incredibly moisturising and calming. Just what you need around this busy exam and deadline time!!

I've only actually got two (EEK) months left, including May, in my student house so I need to use all the bathing o…

Breathing: Intergalactic Style

As I sit here with vaguely glittery handy, my body smelling of vetivert, cedarwood and peppermint I remember that I need to take my own advice more. As I have repeated on countless occasions here (and, honestly, anywhere I can), growing up can be tough. Add hormones and period cramps to the mix and you have the lovely, wonderful result being-on-the-brink-of-tears-for-no-reason. Though trivial and very much not the worst thing in the world, I very much do appreciate ways to avoid feeling like this; especially when weekends have become so precious - time to spend with my boyfriend, reading, and - well - just out and about during daylight hours at the moment.

So what did I do this evening? I finally plugged up the courage to see if the plug I bought for my bath in my shared house (do you like my pun... I'm hilarious) fits and well, if it fits, I sits. I have yet to delve further into the Lush bathbomb treasure troves, but I decided tonight was the night I was going to use Intergalact…